The Bridge of Dreams and Choices

by

Cynthia Schuerr

I sat across the river from the old covered bridge and admired the quaint beauty of it. As I lay back propped up on my elbows, the lush green grass tickled my bare legs. Spring was finally here. The trees were budding, but an overcast sky loomed, as if rain were on its way. The scent of the air revived my thoughts of last summer. It was stifling hot and muggy the day I first met him. He stood at the entrance of the bridge peering out at the landscape around him. I watched him as he sipped water from a bottle and then poured it over his head to cool himself. He wore a pair of jean cutoffs and his bronze muscular upper body glistened as the water trickled over his chest. I felt the need to touch him, to slip my hands over his moist shoulders and down across his frame. His eyes begged for my body to press against his and my mouth watered for the softness of his lips. “Liza,” I heard him shout. I whipped my head around toward the house. The spell was broken. My husband returned from the supply store and all at once, my dream had ended. I looked back to the bridge, but it stood empty and alone…..and so did I. Richard and I emptied the truck, putting the supplies in the barn. The horses neighed as we passed each stall. I could only picture the bronze, shirtless man on the bridge. His golden hair and sea mist green eyes etched in my memory, forever. I was sure Richard noticed the flush of my cheeks….the guilt in my heart. “Let’s go inside and I’ll make us some dinner.” He smiled, nodded and said he would help. We chatted about the day and the chores that we had accomplished. I mentioned how the weather co-operated with us today; no rain after all. God, we’ve resorted to talking about the weather. After dinner, Richard and I sat on the porch swing, both using our feet to push off and swing us. We were so, out of sync, that the task became difficult. Richard stopped the motion with his foot, abruptly stood up and walked over to the Adirondack to sit on, leaving me to swing freely. I didn’t know what to say, so we both sat silent. I am sad for us. Why is it, we can’t find what we once had? Richard is a wonderful man, a great provider……I have a barn with my horses, which I’ve always dreamed of and he gave that to me. Maybe, if we had bore children. Would we feel closer? I had hoped, waking to a new day, would bring different emotions. But, no, just more of the same. Richard and I went to the barn to feed the horses and clean up the stalls. At least, we still did that together. But, all I kept thinking about was the man on the bridge. I began to saddle up Whisper. “I’ll go with you.” “No!” I blurted out. The way I reacted must have felt like a kick to his stomach. “Didn’t you plan to replace that broken lath on the porch step?” I smiled at him hoping to soften the blow. “We really need to get that done today before one of us falls through and breaks a leg.” “Yeah, I guess your right. Have a nice ride.” Everything I said to Richard, lately, riddled me with guilt. I intended, however, to ride away those feelings on Whisper. I gripped her with my thighs and kicked her side until I could feel the wind wash away the guilt and free my heart. The trees whipped by and I hung on to the reins, closed my eyes and gave control to Whisper. She knew where I wanted to be. As I rode, I could only think of him. The electrifying zap I felt when he touched my skin. Life became real with him and I’d breathed heavier than I’d ever without him. My lungs filled with lust. The soft cotton T-shirt tightened against my breasts and massaged them as Whisper’s motion carried me. I opened my eyes. I was in my favorite place, the old covered bridge. He watched, as I cantered and my body moved to the rhythm of the horse. I could see his breathing quicken. I stopped, and sat atop Whisper. Slowly, he walked toward me, naked, except for his cutoffs. He put his hands around my calf. He removed my boot and I lifted the other leg over so he could remove that one, too. With his arms waiting for me, I leaned over and slowly, with his guidance, my body skimmed his, on the way down. Paralyzed, except for breathing, we searched each other’s eyes. He took my hand and led me to a blanket he’d laid out for us. I wanted him to go on and thought I would bake in the heat between us. He kissed my ear and then my neck. I felt his hand on the small of my back…….and then a coolness. “Hey, are you OK, Liza?” It was Richard’s voice. I opened my eyes and glanced around me as I sat up. “Yes, yes, I’m OK. I must have dozed off out here. What time is it?” “Well, it’s 1:30 already. When you didn’t come back for lunch, I got worried.” “I’m sorry I worried you. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately.” “There is nothing wrong with you, Liza. It’s me. I don’t give you the attention you deserve. But, I’m gonna change that right now.” He knelt down next to me, swept the hair from my eyes and kissed my lips. He told me he loved me. He said he wanted me. We chose to fall in love again and we did. “I think this old bridge needs a fresh coat of paint. What do you think?” “Whatever, you say, Richard.”